baphijmm: (Default)
( Nov. 29th, 2005 06:57 pm)
I am at an impasse.

On the one hand, I think majoring in astrophysics would be fun, and I would enjoy doing research and writing in that field. I would like to get to know those in that field, and study alongside them.

On the other hand, I don't want to major in astrophysics. Majoring in astrophysics is a waste of time, because I know enough of the material to be happy, and could really get a job in the field if I were just given a chance. I'm not even sure I want a job in that field anyway.

On the other other hand, we live in a society where you need a degree (or an insane amount of luck) to have income enough to live. Problem is, you also need the money up front to get said degree anymore. Oh sure, financial aid looks nice enough, but all it does is make it look tantalizingly close, then rip it out from under you like a dollar bill on a string in those old cartoons.

I want to change society. I want to start a complete and total revolution. I want to reduce this planet to nothingness, to show everyone that nothing is worth it.

At the same time, all I want to do is live.

I'm tired of this. I've probably shut down again. Yeah, I hate that, but hey, I'm fucked anyway.

I don't know what to do anymore.


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