Alright, I've Found the Perfect Song!

Dude, I just found the perfect song for something I've been wanting to do for a long time.

As many of you know, I write fiction. I've already got three "publish-worthy" short stories under my belt, and am currently writing a total of five much longer stories, of which one will actually be a series of six novels. This story, of which the first novel is entitled Journey to Fire's Keep, is the one I like the most so far out of the five. In fact, I like it so much that I was considering making it into a sort of animated Flash dealy. To do this, however, I'd need literally all the time in the world, so in a sort of compromise, I decided I'd like to try and make at least something that resembles an opening for such a show. The biggest problem I've had up until this point is not having a song that goes well with it. I had basically given up.

Then, today, quisty_weber sent me an AMV that was incredibly well-done. This sparked the idea anew. I began digging around on my computer for various songs I may have that I didn't know I had for some reason or other, to see if they'd be of any use to me in the aforementioned endeavor.

As stated before, such a song has been found. It's called "Ever Dream", by a group called Nightwish. I'm coming up with various ideas of what to do with the actual animation at this point. It'll take a long time, but I feel it will be well worth it, as it just might inspire me to actually finish the book. I am so psyched.

Nostalgia...

I was bored, as is usually the predecessor to many of these journals of mine, and was digging around my stuff when I happened upon my old Kairos notebook. For those who don't know, Kairos was a retreat for seniors at our high school. I was one of the select few who were lucky enough to go their Junior year. Yes, it's a very Catholic-centered retreat program, but many of the things you experience there are universal. I can't spoil too much of it, as one never knows who is reading my journal these days. :P

Anyway, as I began looking through this notebook, I first found a large collection of Celtic knot artwork I did while I was sitting there, being "bored". It was a three-day weekend, and there were many times when all we did was sit there, so I decided to make the most of the time and doodle. I'm very surprized by how good these look, and I'm not just saying that because it's my artwork. I might scan them and upload them later.

Then, I started reflecting on the whole weekend itself. At the time, I knew of my draconity, but nothing actually related to it, and the way people had been describing the retreat, it sounded as though I'd have to confess this belief to everyone there at the time. Thus, I was rather apprehensive about speaking at all. This, added to the fact that at the time, I was EXTREMELY insecure about EVERYTHING, made me the quietest person on the retreat. Because of this, the person in charge of my group said that he would like me to talk at least once to the entire group, what about it didn't matter. See, every night there was a sort of "open mic" thing, where people were allowed to go up and say whatever they felt like saying. I didn't want to do so, but I decided that it was best to. I needed to get over my insecurities, and decided the best way to do so was to tell other people about them.

On one of the "talks" they gave (I can't go too much into this), they had pre-empted it with the song "Show Me the Way" by Styx. I know, it sounds very religious, but it's not. It just happens to be one of my favorite songs; however, I had overheard many of the other students making fun of the song because it was very 80's. I decided to encorporate this into my speech.

There were a total of three parts to my speech: my taste in music, my insecurities / neuroses, and the last bit. I decided to describe my "awakening" moment, only without saying what exactly it was I was awakening to. The last thing I needed on a retreat like this was a bunch of angry Catholics with torches and pitchforks ready to gut me for even thinking I was a dragon, so I figured I'd conveniently leave that part out.

Upon finishing my speech, I recieved a standing ovation. I've never been so close to crying with joy in my life. Upon reading this notebook again, I am again moved to tears.

In ending, I wish to post a poem I wrote while sitting there, that truly describes how I felt then, and still feel on occasion even now:

Trapped
Ensnared
Lost within myself
Looking out at me
Looking in at someone I don't know
Yet strangely familiar
He, I try to get out
I try to help
The door sticks well
Held up inside me
No way to get out
My identity
He is tarnished
Considered crazy by the outside
Yet sane and true
He is me and I him
But people never see
The true me.